Asa-isms...

These are from the past few weeks. My all time favorite was his response to a stranger, though.

"I love my dad because he calls me son."

"I'm trying to wait for patience."

On vacation, having breakfast at the hotel...
Asa: Ally, if you keep talking to me about frogs, you'll make me sad.
Ally: What? I haven't been talking to you about frogs.
Asa: Yes you did. Just now.

Playing "Mother May I" in the pool with the kids (Asa had never played this before)...
Chloe: Mother, may I take two scissor steps?
Me: Yes you may.
Camden: Mother, may I take three baby steps?
Me: Yes you may.
Asa: Mother, may I have a muffin?

A Quick Update & Some News...

We recently returned from a fantastic trip up north. Asa had a blast with his extended family and it still amazes me how quickly he's picked up on how everyone is related to one another. It's really neat because, up until last year, he didn't have any experience with grandparents, cousins, aunts or uncles.

We went to Gatlinburg and Asa got to see his first taffy-pulling machine! He also got to play in a cool mountain stream for the first time. Eventually, there won't be any more "firsts" but until then, I'll probably keep posting all the new things he experiences!





Also, our family is growing: Asa will have a new brother-in-law in March!!


Our beautiful daughter, Ally, is getting married and we are absolutely thrilled. God answered all the prayers we've always had for her future husband and we are so excited to see what the Lord has in store for this precious, young couple!

Even if they are still young, I think it is so important to pray for your children's future spouses. It's amazing to see how God honors those prayers and how they eventually come to fruition. It makes me wonder about the little girl that will someday be Asa's wife...

Asa's Baby Locs...

Are super cute and he absolutely loves them. We've found a method that seems to be working really well and I'm excited about making this commitment to a style that fits his hair and personality so well!!

Attachment & Behavior Stuff...

We've worked through so much over the past year and I feel like Asa has adjusted beautifully in so many areas. I really think that a tremendous amount of this growth is due to a very conscious effort on his part. That might sound crazy but, even at the tender age of four, I truly believe that he knows what we want for him (to feel loved and attached) and that he is trying to learn about being part of a family. This is sooooo encouraging and amazing to me because it's quite common to hear of adoptive parents who pour so much energy into the healing of their children, only to face rejection, opposition and defiance.

Before Asa came home, we read a lot and felt that we had a pretty good understanding of adoption and the attachment process. Until you are living it, though, it's very difficult to understand the subtle behavior nuances that indicate attachment issues. Someone who would interact with Asa (and other adopted kiddos) on a limited basis probably wouldn't even notice these traits, but we've become acutely aware of them and realize that his early years did have an impact on his little heart.

Despite the major advances Asa has made in self-control and obedience, we're still experiencing issues in public settings, particularly when I am trying to have conversations with other adults. It has totally stumped us in terms of why he feels so compelled to act out in this way; we thought it might have something to do with being in an orphanage and not having proper interpersonal skills or manners modeled by parents. But I recently happened upon an archived attachment article from Rainbowkids.com and this is the excerpt that grabbed me:

"Needs to control Mom at all times...
...disruptive when Mom is on the phone or talking to other adults, very jealous of attention to other siblings. Will whine, cling, hit, chatter, to monopolize Mom’s attention - again, insecure or anxious attachment." **

It says this can be a symptom of more serious attachment disorders, but my mommy instinct tells me that it's probably not that severe. I do think there is a broad spectrum of attachment issues and Asa probably falls into the "reconciling this new attachment and the feelings that go along with it" category. Maybe? I kind of made that up, but it seems to summarize where I think his little heart is right now. He's doing so well in many ways, but just has these remnants of life without a family embedded in his memory - and I can't even imagine what that must feel like for such a little guy. I've found some helpful info here and thought it might be useful for others (some of it doesn't apply or feel "right" to us, but a lot of it is practical and logical). It's always such a blessing to have the occasional a-ha! moment - - when I feel like I found a new tool or idea that might help our baby to heal.

** Recognizing Attachment Problems in Internationally Adopted Preschoolers

This Is What Happens...

When Asa sees the camera:






Asa changed poses with each "click." You can tell, by Camden's unchanging expression, that this all took place within seconds. Asa hams it up without any prompting at all... what a goofball!


The both complied and smiled when daddy said "say cheese," though. :o)

Strangers...

We've been diligent about explaining to Asa that he should not start conversations with strangers and that mommy and daddy will let him know when someone is a "friend" to whom we can talk. It used to be that Asa would act overly familiar (cheeky, even) with strangers. It was usually uncomfortable, not just for us, but the individual that caught Asa's attention. He's really been receptive to our guidance in this area and has gotten so much better. But this is what happened a few weeks ago while we were shopping for Easter clothes. He was standing next to me and practicing some dance moves and crazy faces in a mirror by a rack of dresses:

Lady: Hi there! You sure are cute... how old are you?
Asa: (loudly) You're a stranger. I can't talk to strangers.
Lady: Awww. You are adorable. That's true - you should not talk to strangers, but I'm a nice grandma and I love children.
Asa: (loud & indignant) MOM, that STRANGER is still talkin' to me!!

I think he'll eventually learn a bit more about tact (and volume control) but I'm pretty sure there is no restraining our Asa's effervescent personality.

One Year: The Good, The Bad & The Funny...

This past year with our precious Asa has been filled with loads of joy and excitement, but also with some sadness and frustration. He's learned so much and has changed in many ways, but there are still reminders of the tiny little guy I met in Haiti two and a half years ago; he still has his super-kissable chubby cheeks and he still sucks on his lip when he's sleepy. We're so blessed that this sweet boy is part of our family. Here's a brief rundown of the past year...

The Good:

Asa is so smart. I am still amazed that he was born in a Third World country to a mother with no prenatal care, that he endured severe malnutrition and separation from his mama at 17 months, and that he lived in an orphanage for two years. It's a reasonable assumption that any combination of those factors would have caused some sort of developmental delay, but in terms of Asa's ability to retain information, comprehend concepts and express his thoughts, he just blows us away.

Asa is incredibly loving. He gives us unsolicited hugs, kisses and cuddles. He runs up to Jim and grabs his legs while saying, "You're the daddy! I love my daddy! You're BIG! Daddy is a good guy!" He has similar variations of that affirmation for everyone in the family (even Henry the Dog).

Asa went from the 5th percentile in height to the 50th in just nine months. That's seven inches!! Our pediatrician was amazed by his growth and his health.

He understands family relationships. He knows and explains who his parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts & uncles are - - even the ones who live across the ocean.

Asa seems to be attaching well. We were unapologetically rigid about the right kind of interaction with people outside of our family for quite some time. We were polite but firm about his need to be held, fed and comforted by us only and did our best to explain the reasons to people who were unfamiliar with adoption. We were still extremely social, so he was able to meet friends and family, but we tried to make sure he knew that they were not his parents. It was very clear from the beginning that Asa was "friendly" and could easily attach to anyone, so we know that this was the right decision; he's healing and growing because we are reinforcing the primary relationship he needs to have with us.

The Bad:

It's safe to say that Asa has had some serious control issues. He does not like to be corrected and will often do exactly what we tell him not to do. Some of this is willful, but some of his behaviors seem like compulsions over which he has little control. We are trying to decipher the two and respond accordingly. (Edit: I actually started writing this post on the anniversary of his homecoming a few weeks ago. Recently, though, he has been so incredibly cooperative most of the time - - maybe we've turned a corner?!?)

Asa does stuff at night when everyone else is asleep. "Stuff" is a loose term for: dumping fish food on the floor, painting with lotion, plunging the toilet, disassembling a remote, and making calls from my cell phone at 2:30 am. That's the short list. We're not sure if this is pent up curiosity or something more. (Another late edit: This is subsiding as well and his late-night escapades are now few and far between!)

Our (normally) sweet and laid back little guy goes bonkers in social settings. He just loses all self control when we are with groups of people - he starts yelling and doing cartwheels. He gets rough, loud, rude and does not respect boundaries. It can be very difficult and emotionally draining. Has anyone else experienced this? Please leave a comment if you have; I'd love to know how others deal with it.

**Please don't think that I'm implying that Asa is bad. What's bad is that my poor little boy has endured less than ideal situations that have injured his heart. These things are not good for him and I know that he probably feels more frustration than we do that his emotions/behaviors can seem out of his control. We want to give him the tools and help to learn self-control, respect and a healthy dependence on his mommy and daddy who love him.

The Funny:

Asa has more personality than any four year old I've ever met. His laugh is hysterical. He does crazy voices and has some wild dance moves. He break-dances to classical music. He taught himself how to do cartwheels (as mentioned above) so I think a tumbling class is in his future. When big sister, Ally, leaves the house, he reminds her to take her "I-Pawwwwd" (I-Pod). When Asa is getting hungry, he says "Mom, can you hear my tummy? It's time for lunch." We were walking through Ikea and some music came on. He said "You hear that? It sounds like the Jonas Brothers... but it's not. Because they don't live in Ikea." (We don't listen to Jonas Brothers music... he's maybe heard of them a handful of times on the Disney Channel.... he simply absorbs everything!!)