It's Hard To Believe...

That Asa has been home for three weeks! There were times when it seemed impossible to even fathom him actually being with us. And, yet, here he is - sleeping soundly, tucked into his bed in the room above me. Wow.

Over the past two years, this has been a journal about the process, the wait, the frustration and the joy of a Haitian adoption. Now that Asa is home, I hope to give a really honest and accurate picture of our transition in the hopes that it may offer encouragement and insight to other adoptive parents. Many of our experiences might be unique to our own family and child, but there will certainly be some common issues we'll share with other parents of children coming home from an institutional (more specifically, a Haitian orphanage) setting. So....

Right now, things are going really well. By "well" I mean that we have not been especially surprised by any of Asa's behavior, and his adjustment seems to be similar to what we've researched and heard about from other parents. That doesn't mean that we don't have tough moments. But we feel prepared (at least moderately) for the times when Asa feels sad or tests boundaries or acts out. If pressed, I would say that, right now, Asa is joyful, engaging, funny, and cuddly 80% of the time. The other 20% can range from sulky and sullen to sad, angry and maybe even confused. Yes, most of those things are typical for any three year old. But, sometimes, there is unique element; it feels like there is something coming from a place inside him that is quite different from a child who had been parented in a family since birth. And that's the reality which I hope to convey.

Ironically, I wasn't sure what I'd touch on, first (there's so much to write about). But just as I was finishing the above paragraph, I heard the cries of my tiny, little guy coming from upstairs. A few minutes of cuddling did the trick, but I expect to be up there again in another few hours. After about two weeks of sleeping pretty well, Asa began waking up more often though the night. It was normal for him to wake once to use the potty, but he'd usually go right back to sleep. Now, he's waking three or four times a night and the result is that I'll just stay with him in his bed until morning, because he really seems to need the reassurance that I'm there. He wants my arm under his head and he usually maintains a firm grip on me (even in his sleep). This makes for a slightly sleepy & sore mommy in the mornings, but I absolutely believe this is teaching him that we will always meet his needs. Right now, his "need" is to know that he is not alone (just like a newborn who cries at night). It's a lot like "musical beds" at our house these days, because Camden (age five) often opts sleep with Asa on the bottom bunk instead of sleeping in his, up top. So when Asa cries, Camden moves out and I move in. And this works for us, for now. I'm sure it will be one of many phases through which Asa must pass to ultimately feel safe and secure in our family.